Tension

Our pastor talked this morning about the balance between righteousness and humility. His message was to warn Christians of being too righteous, being too wise, and beginning to 'look down' on other Christians and non-believers. He called the 'balance' tension, and I thought it was a good way to explain it.

I think there is tension in all things, tension between your wants and needs and other people's wants and needs. Tension between doing right and wrong, Tension between pride and humility.

It is so easy to make other's wrong. To judge them without realizing that we are hypocrites. When I was a little girl, I made a friend who lived on a farm. She told me about living life on the farm, how she had to collect the eggs from the chicken coup every morning and how they owned dairy cows and sold the milk. I thought she was wonderful, and I was so happy to be her friend. One day I was invited over to her house. I got to help her collect the eggs and saw all the cows. We even got to ride on a horse drawn carriage... well it was more like a cart, but I thought it was all awesome. I loved spending time with her, especially on her farm! I thought her life was perfect! That night at the dinner table her Mom asked me lots of questions. I answered her with the innocence of childhood. "No, I don't go to church". "No, I don't know where my father is, he doesn't live with us". "My Mom is divorced and I have a step-dad". "Yes, we live in the trailer court down the street". The next day, my friend told me that we couldn't be friends anymore. When I asked why, she said that it was because I didn't go to church.

I let this experience sour me on religion for years to come. I felt so judged and condemned by this family. But, I realize now that even today I judge Christians too. If they seem too indifferent to the poor, or the needy; if they seem to look down on me or others; I think they should know better. I think they should act better. I judge them. I become as bad as I think they are, and I definitely let my judgements get in the way of loving them. It is quite a conundrum. I am a hypocrite myself!

And so I notice the tension... the tension between loving fully and judging people. The tension between pride and humility. The tension between stating what I need and want in a relationship and making the other person wrong because I am not getting it. The tension between giving myself and my love 100% and waiting till the other person gives first. The tension between accepting what is in my life and wanting things to be different. Tension is defined in pysics as a force related to the stretching of an object (the opposite of compression). I think that is appropriate. It does stretch us and does make us grow and change.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Teresa