I have been thinking lately about all the times that I complain. I admit it, I complain way too much. During my mentor training at Colorado Youth at Risk, they taught me about 'Finding the Magnificence of a complaint' Tool. This tool is supposed to enable you to open the mentee's mind up to the underlying desires or wish that prompts the complaint. For example, if someone complains about their Mom always getting on their nerves and nagging them, you could say that they are complaining because they want to have a real, honest and powerful connection with their Mom. If you are off base and have the underlying reason wrong, then they might at least consider what it is they are really wanting after you mention it to them. This is supposed to open up a conversation about their commitment to the underlying wish and get them thinking about the complaint in a new and different way.This is really a hard tool for me. I have a very difficult time finding the magnificence of complaints. I grew up with a grandmother who loved to complain, and as the saying goes, I sometimes think this trait skipped a generation and went directly to me. Most of the time, being grateful for what I have really helps me. But other times, I get whiney and complainy and I can't seem to stop myself. When I try to use the tool on me, I have a really hard time even figuring out what the underlying reason for my complaint is. I think that it is a bad habit mostly, that there isn't a real deep reason why I am complaining, I just am. Maybe I am trying to get some attention, maybe I just like to hear myself talk, I don't know... but I know that I can do really well for months and months, and then I will start complaining and can't seem to stop.
My complaints are usually accompanied by excuses. I throw in the excuses why I haven't been able to change the situation and improve it, rather than just complain. I know that making excuses is also a very bad habit, but they do seem to go hand in hand. What's the fun of complaining if I don't have a reason to not do anything about the situation and change it? These are a really powerful duo, complaining and excuses. They sap my energy, my hope and my confidence. I know that my life would be so much better if I could erase these from my conversations and most importantly from my thoughts.
So, for the next 30 days (it takes 30 days to change a habit), I am going to try very hard to NOT Complain and to have NO excuses!
wish me luck!
"If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it."
Anthony J. D'Angelo
1 comment:
I think that is a daily challenge that faces everyone. It is far easer to complain and rail about everything that isn't working. I see this so much at the office. I find myself caught up in that downward spiral at work, especially now. The negativity costs so much energy and is so descructive, yet is persists and flourishes.
You are not alone in this struggle, so hard to see things differently and choose a different perception.
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