Relationships

As some of you may know, I have been volunteering as a mentor for an organization called Colorado Youth at Risk since last August. My mentee Juli has just graduated high school (yeah!), and we were invited to a graduation celebration for all the CYAR graduates. Juli and I both started our journey with CYAR in August, and we have built up a wonderful friendship. I am so glad that I have Juli in my life, and I am sure that we will remain friends long into the future.

Most of the youth that were at the celebration have been involved in the program for all four years of high school. These kids were so amazing! They got up in front of the whole room and spoke from the heart about how much the people in the program meant to them. One young lady talked about when she got pregnant she was told that there was no more hope for her, that she wouldn't be able to finish high school, let alone go to college. She tearfully and emotionally thanked everyone in the room for the ongoing support and encouragement that they had given her. She has already completed one semester at Metro State College and was confident that she will be able to make it. She said "Everyone here has helped me to become the person that I am, the Mother that I am".

Another young man got up and said that he didn't think anyone understood how much he loves them, and that he wouldn't be graduating if it weren't for the people in that room.

A father spoke haltingly with emotion of how he had given up on his daughter receiving her high school diploma, and he thanked everyone who impacted her life and helped her get through and succeed. I, of course, was in tears for most of the speeches. I was awed and humbled by the obvious bond that these kids had made with their peers and their mentors.

In the past few weeks, I have been to two graduation ceremonies, my son's and Juli's. I reflected on all the advice and wisdom that was imparted by the speakers at each ceremony. They talked about determination, resilience, and fortitude. They talked about riding out the storm and enduring the rough times so that they would enjoy the calm, happy times. But the one thing that they left out was advice on relationships and emotional ties. I think that success should be redefined. That no matter what your job, how much money you make or what kind of car you drive, what matters to the soul is the relationships that you have with your family, your friends, yourself, and with God. These kids are bound to be successful in their futures, because they have learned how to have real, powerful relationships with each other. They learned how to help and support each other, and how to ask for help when you need it most. I believe that these are the keys to true success.

Our friend Kelly didn't go to college after graduation, didn't have a great career or many other things. But, I think that she was one of the most successful people I have ever met. She was so open to everyone, able to talk to people that she had never met. She was kind and considerate of others. But most of all, she was powerfully related to God and her family. They have the kind of bond that lasts through eternity. Now that's what I call successful!

I am inspired! I have signed up for another year of mentoring and pray that I will be able to give and receive from yet another wonderful youth and that I will continue to learn as much as I can.

Positively Speaking

So, it has been only one day into my no complaining rule, and I have already had a difficult day not complaining. I found myself all day stopping in mid sentence and saying, "oh, is that a complaint or is it fact". You have to understand, these are not big issues or important things that I complain about. No, they are very small, very undeserving things that catch me off guard and get me complaining. Since I am obviously still having issues, I thought that I might have more luck if I think about the opposite of complaining, which is positive thinking. I found an article about exactly what I was looking for in an article (click here for full article) written by Karen Wolf. Here are her tips for thinking Positively Permanently. Apparently, I am in good company in my quest to reduce my complaints. I think her words are very helpful. Hopefully tomorrow, with God's grace and help, I will do better!

Positive Thinking Tips for a Positive Attitude - Permanently

• First, focus on what you're thinking about. Remember what I said about being stuck because we never addressed the source? Our negative actions and words are coming from our negative thoughts. Our body, including the mouth, has no choice but to follow wherever our mind goes.

  It is possible to control our thoughts, regardless of what we've been led to believe. As soon as a negative thought comes into your mind, purposefully make it a point to replace it with a positive one. (2 Corinthians 10:5) At first, this may take some work, because chances are, we will probably have a lot more negative thoughts in our head than positive ones. But eventually, the ratio will reverse itself.

• Second, stop letting other people's negative attitudes influence yours. This may mean we need to stop hanging around with people who do nothing but spout negative stuff. We can't afford to do this when our goal is to become more positive. The negative people in our life aren't going to like it when we stop participating in negativity. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.
  

• Third, make a list of all the areas in your life that you want to change. List all your negative attitudes too. If you can't think of things to put on your list, just ask your family. I'll bet they'll help you make it a really long list!
  
  
• Fourth, take some time to write strong, life-giving, positive affirmation statements. Make a commitment to read those statements out loud every day. Enjoy how great they make you feel. Know in your heart that you're making progress, even if you can't see it just yet. Just keep affirming the positive.
  
  
• Lastly, take time to pray about this. You can't change by yourself. But you can spend time with the One who is able to help. Do what you can, and let God do the rest. It really is that simple.

This process will change how we think and that's the real key to changing how we act. Remember, the body will follow wherever the mind goes. There is no way to separate the two, so we might as well "program in" what we want, instead of randomly leaving it to chance.

Would you like some cheese with that whine?

I have been thinking lately about all the times that I complain. I admit it, I complain way too much. During my mentor training at Colorado Youth at Risk, they taught me about 'Finding the Magnificence of a complaint' Tool. This tool is supposed to enable you to open the mentee's mind up to the underlying desires or wish that prompts the complaint. For example, if someone complains about their Mom always getting on their nerves and nagging them, you could say that they are complaining because they want to have a real, honest and powerful connection with their Mom. If you are off base and have the underlying reason wrong, then they might at least consider what it is they are really wanting after you mention it to them. This is supposed to open up a conversation about their commitment to the underlying wish and get them thinking about the complaint in a new and different way.

This is really a hard tool for me. I have a very difficult time finding the magnificence of complaints. I grew up with a grandmother who loved to complain, and as the saying goes, I sometimes think this trait skipped a generation and went directly to me. Most of the time, being grateful for what I have really helps me. But other times, I get whiney and complainy and I can't seem to stop myself. When I try to use the tool on me, I have a really hard time even figuring out what the underlying reason for my complaint is. I think that it is a bad habit mostly, that there isn't a real deep reason why I am complaining, I just am. Maybe I am trying to get some attention, maybe I just like to hear myself talk, I don't know... but I know that I can do really well for months and months, and then I will start complaining and can't seem to stop.

My complaints are usually accompanied by excuses. I throw in the excuses why I haven't been able to change the situation and improve it, rather than just complain. I know that making excuses is also a very bad habit, but they do seem to go hand in hand. What's the fun of complaining if I don't have a reason to not do anything about the situation and change it? These are a really powerful duo, complaining and excuses. They sap my energy, my hope and my confidence. I know that my life would be so much better if I could erase these from my conversations and most importantly from my thoughts.

So, for the next 30 days (it takes 30 days to change a habit), I am going to try very hard to NOT Complain and to have NO excuses!

wish me luck!

"If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it."
Anthony J. D'Angelo

Astronomy 101

I just finished my two college classes for the semester. I took Astronomy because I was afraid of the hard core sciences. I have math and science phobia, so it took a fair amount of courage to take this class. I read many facts and figures about our solar system during the semester. What the diameter of each planet is, what the atmospheres are made of etc... I have already forgotten most of what I 'learned'. I figure there are three things that I will take with me as I go forward in my life from this class.

1. The more I learned about the universe and the solar system, the more I became convinced that there was a higher power at work. There are so many amazing things about the universe. The fact that one can calculate the diameter of the earth using trigonometry and the sun's shadow is just one. All of these rules of physics are just amazing to me! There are millions of stars and planets out there, and the fact that everything had to go just perfectly in our atmosphere, we had to be placed just the perfect distance from the sun, there had to be the specific amount of water and oxygen and hydrogen in order for life to form. I don't understand why there is such a controversy between the big bang theory and the creation theory. I believe that they are the same. That God provided everything for us to be created, and once you understand the amazing order of our universe, how can you think it all happened by chance?

2. That God has give some people the gift of being able to comprehend and explain His magnificent plan to people like me. People like Galileo and Albert Einstein. How genius they were, being able to make sense of our world. Most of the theories in Astronomy that were thought of and written about literally centuries ago are being proven correct today with our advancing technology. These scientists predicted with amazing accuracy how the laws of physics can be used to determine how far away a planet is, how big it is, and what the atmosphere is made of. These people had the most advanced, amazing minds! I stand in awe of human-kind and human intelligence and am humbled by their genius!

3. The last thing I learned was from the delivery of the class, and not so much the content. My class was totally an online class, so I was not able to meet my professor in person. I could still feel his enthusiasm for teaching and I benefited from his conscientious hard work. His lessons were challenging, but well thought out and had simple step by step instructions. He was always available for questions and responded immediately anytime someone posted a question. But, as the class went on, I became aware that he was not getting the correct feedback for all his hard work. I think he felt that because this is a community college, that most of the students are young adults, just trying to get through the class with a passing grade. I am sure that there are always some students that try their professor's patience, trying to get away with as little as possible. But, I think that the challenge for the next generation is to become experts at communicating fully through this new medium of the Internet. It is far too easy to misinterpret what someone has written in a short email. It is far too easy to not say thank you to the people that impact us if we have never met them. So, I would like to say to my Astronomy professor, Larry Sessions that I think you did an awesome job teaching me about the solar system, that you made an impact in my learning. and THANKS!

Astronomy 101 - that's what I will take with me...

Mother's Day

My favorite part of Mother's Day wasn't the card, the flowers or the food. Which is a good thing because my family had one of those crazy weekends, and I didn't get a card, or flowers and I cooked my own food! (that's o.k., I totally understand!). It was later that night... Adam was showing Laura and I the tips and tricks that he learned at his Broadway Musical Theatre workshop he attended the day before. There was singing (which I love), Laughing, and general non-sense (we call it road tripping in our family, I will blog about that later). These late night chats are AWESOME! It is hard to explain how much I enjoy my kids now. They are like a crucial part of me, my heart and my soul, and my best friends. The love a Mother has for her children is so all encompassing. I love them with every fiber of my being, and I know that even now if they were in danger, I would rush to their side like a mama bear.

As the kids were growing up, I would say at every stage, this stage is my favorite. Even though I miss their little hands wrapped around my neck, and their messy faces that they wouldn't let me wash, and even though I am sometimes really sad about my soon to be empty nest, I am so proud and happy with the people that they are. They are so warm and giving and loving! I have the best gift of all! I get to be their MOM! There really isn't anything better than that for Mother's Day!

I know that all Mother's know what I am talking about, and my heart goes out to our friend Patty whose daughter went to live in heaven. This will be one of the first of many firsts to come where she will be celebrating a special day here on earth without her daughter at her side. I can only pray that God will send her the Holy spirit and fill her heart with His love and with Kelly's love. It is the best thing in the world to be a Mom, and it is definitely worth every ounce of pain and worry and gray hair that they may bring. Even having to say goodbye to your child too soon... it would still be worth it all. I pray that just like the pain of childbirth, this pain will be soon soothed and numbed, and the wonderful joy of being a Mom will fill Patty's heart.

Adam and Laura, I love you and am so proud of you!
mommy

Ronald McDonald House

Today I went to our new Ronald McDonald house that opened six weeks ago in Aurora. I invited some of my long time friends and some new friends to come spend a day cooking and cleaning! We made dinner for people staying at the Ronald McDonald house. I have never seen so much hamburger in my life!

I have to say that the best part was that I realized how much I appreciated the friends of mine that came to help me! We had a lot of fun together, trying to figure out how many cups of water and rice were needed to make 20+ servings. My daughter was very helpful for all the math questions! These women are the absolute BEST! and I definitely couldn't have done it without them!

Ross, my husband had a difficult time with his emotions at the house. It was just a few months ago when he was last in a RonDon house, albeit the one in Seattle. He went to visit his hero and long time friend Kelly who passed on St. Patricks Day. If you would like to see his blog, go to www.run4kelly.blogspot.com. I got a little emotional on the drive home, but for the most part was too busy to think about much (too much math!).

I definitely want to do this again! but this time, we are bringing our own can openers!

Thanks so much ladies! Rosanna, Jolene, Deb and her daughter, Bev, Juli, and of course my daughter!

You really made a difference to me today!!! and together...

WE MADE A SMALL DIFFERENCE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN NEED!

you are AWESOME!

I leave you with two quotes from Helen Keller,

'Although the world is full of suffering,it is also full of the overcoming of it.'

'Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.'

Putting these two quotes together is a reflection of how I felt today. There were so many people at the Ronald McDonald House that are suffering, and together with my friends, we gave them one less thing to have to think about while they are trying to survive. It is called the House of Hope, and I now know firsthand what that means.

what a blessing friends are!

I will post some pictures later...