Worry... A Sin?

I am the consummate worrier. It is one of the things that I truly excel at. So, you can imagine my surprise to find out that the Bible, in no uncertain terms, advises us to not worry. I get a weekly devotional emailed to me, and this week's topic was worrying. I thought that God just doesn't think that worrying will do any good, and that it isn't good for you and He advises us against it (obviously all true statements), but my devotional went on to say that worrying is a Sin! I was really surprised to hear that. I always thought that my worrying was a result of my Love for other's and showed my concern for them. But, as I looked through the verses of the Bible that teach about worrying... boy was I wrong! I realized that by hiding behind my worrying and anxiety and fear, I am using up precious energy and time that I will never be able to get back. I can see that by letting go of my 'loving worry', I can enable my family to grow and change and I won't be holding them back. I have to pray to God to watch over them and protect and guide them rather than worrying about them. This will be very difficult to do for me, but I believe that my worrying does not help matters At all... and my praying can make a huge difference. So I think exchanging worry for prayer is like exchanging a wooden nickel for gold. It's a no-brainer!

Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

and my favorite I think:
Matthew 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Precious Times

This weekend I got to babysit my GREAT nephew a lot because his Mom was moving into a new apartment. We had so much fun together! We went to the park, and he came over and saw our puppies, Rocky and Harley, and he fed our mean cat kitty treats. It is quite amazing that the Kitty actually likes him, because she truly doesn't really like anyone. On Sunday we took him to church with us. He was a little intimidated when we left him in the nursery, but he did fine. When I went to pick him up he was sitting in a big armchair with another little girl around his age with his little hands folded in his lap listening to a story. It was so cute! Ross was waiting for me outside after church, letting him put my keys into the trunk and opening it over and over. It reminded me how patient of a father he was, and I was glad that Keegan gets to be around Ross.

Then we went to the zoo together. It was really hot and he was getting a little tired and cranky, but we had lots of fun. He was amazed at the elephants and he liked the monkeys, but I think his favorite was watching the little penguins swimming. He kept pointing at them and saying see? see? We didn't go through the entire zoo because he didn't want to sit in his stroller anymore and I didn't want to carry him all that way, so we compromised and went home!

He seems to think that we come in a set, because every time one of us sees him he says the rest of our names... LaLa (his very favorite!), Aunt Suooo, Uncle, and A-am, Rocky (also sounds like cookie), Har-ey, and of course KiKi (kitty). Where is she? Where is he? over and over again... it is interesting that he rarely says the other side of his family when he is with us... seems to know that we are separate from them. Of course, he always asks for Mama! She is his center of the universe (as it should be!).

He is such a good little talker, I am hoping that he won't get as frustrated as some 2-year- old's because he can say some really powerful words. He says 'All Done' when he is finished eating, finished playing on the slide, finished swinging, finished riding in the car... see how powerful! He says up and down, he says hungwry - sometimes even when he isn't!, poopy - sometimes when he isn't, and he actually tells you when it's night night time. Of course, he says yes and no. But, his no's are very sweet, not demanding at all... I'm wondering when that will change! He says please, and then he nods his head and gives you the most "I'm the sweetest thing that ever walked the earth" con-man kind of a smile. Works every time! He is almost always in a good mood, unless he needs a nap, and has the most amazing sense of humor that I have ever seen in a little baby. He plays jokes on us all the time. When we were at the zoo and I was holding him, he put his head down on my shoulder like he was going to go to sleep. I said, "are you sleepy, is it night night time?" He looked up at me and laughed, like "ha ha fooled you! There's no way I would go to sleep here!". Then he did it again and again. He also likes to bonk you on the head with his head. For some reason, he thinks this is hysterically funny! Reminds me of when Laura was little and I would ask her what her favorite color was (she was also a really early talker). She would say Orange, and just crack up laughing, because she loved pink! Was really weird and funny! Keegan has that same kind of humor! Hmmm... Maybe that's why he loves her so much!

I am so very grateful that we can be a part of his life, he brings us all so much joy! I was not able to be a part of his Mom's life, and she is the only niece that I have, so I am definitely trying to make up for lost time with him... and it is so amazing that my heart has opened so completely to him. I thank the Lord for giving me this gift, for as long as it will last. The joy of Keegan.

Challenges

I recently had the opportunity to do a Challenge Ropes Course with my Colorado Youth at Risk organization. I was absolutely terrified! I did not think that I would be able to finish any of the challenges. I have a moderate fear of heights and a bigger fear of climbing. I was waiting to get some pictures back before posting about this, but I have yet to receive any pictures, so I picked some examples I found on the internet. I was unable to find one for the first challenge though.

CHALLENGE #1 Flying V
This was a trust challenge. Two people each climb up and stand on a rope. The two ropes are set to be close together at the start and then they go out in a V formation, getting farther and farther apart. If the couple leans forward towards each other, they can actually get really far out, getting more horizontal as they go. I met a new teenager this weekend named Vanessa. She is an outstanding person, and I was honored and excited to be paired with her, but I was very fearful of the event. To make the challenge personal, we are asked to relate this to our own lives. My answer to "What are you going to work on while doing this", was to be able to open up and trust myself. Vanessa had almost the exact idea because we have both had people in our pasts that let us down.

As I started up, I tried to take it slow and breath. When I got to the top and actually stood on the rope, my knees were shaking so much that the rope looked like it was in an earthquake it was moving so much. I hung onto the pole with a death grip while Vanessa climbed up. Once she was standing on her rope, facing me, I was able to put my right hand on her left shoulder. My rope was still shaking and I was really terrified. I moved my left hand from the pole and put it on her right shoulder and just waited. She was still holding onto the pole and I felt like we were not balanced against each other, so I asked her to put her hands on my shoulders. She didn't want to let go (I couldn't blame her), but my knees were knocking so much now I was really scared and shaking. So I asked her if she could 'have my back' and put her hands on my shoulders. She finally did and it felt a little better. I knew from watching the previous groups that it is best to get out farther from the pole before you get down, so I really wanted to get away from the pole so we wouldn't get hurt. I shuffled my feet and we moved slowly away from the pole. We took a couple steps and then I completely lost my balance (knees still shaking) and I fell. The initial moment of falling I don't even really remember. But once I knew I was safe and the people below had me belayed up, I just kept saying "I'm sorry!" I really felt like I let Vanessa down.

Interesting thing I learned from this Challenge: When Vanessa was back on the ground the group leader asked her about her experience and she said that when I asked her if she had my back, she was able to let go of her fear and trust me because I was asking for her help and she knew that I needed her.

CHALLENGE #2 - CATWALK
This challenge actually looks fairly easy, but for me was the hardest one. You climb up the pole and once you reach the horizontal catwalk, you have to reach out with your legs and stand up on the catwalk. Then you walk across to the other side, and then back to the middle where they lower you down.

The group leader said that the poles represent the present and the future and they ask you what in your real life do you want to work on for the future. I said that my kids are getting ready to leave the nest and I am fearful and challenged of what the future will look like with them out of the house and it just being my husband and I. We will have to readjust our relationship and reconnect in a different way, and that is exciting but also a little scary. And my relationship with my kids will move into an adult to adult relationship. My family life is so great right now, and we work so well together that sometimes I just want it to stay the same.

I had a really hard time, because of my short legs, reaching out to the horizontal catwalk once I was up there. I tried many different hand holds and foot holds and actually almost went around the wrong side. I was again shaking and very fearful, because they said that if you fall close to the pole then you might get hurt. Finally I made it to the catwalk. I forced myself to stop and just breath before starting across. My first steps were really tentative, but then I gained confidence and shuffled across. I actually let go of the rope at my waist for a moment and tried to balance on the pole. I did take a moment to look out at the beautiful Boulder Reservoir and take in the view. Once I reached the other side, I was able to turn around without too much trouble and before I knew it I was in the middle and they were gently bringing me down.

Interesting thing I learned from this challenge: I tend to worry and fret about the future, but sometimes I need to stay in the present and look out at the view.

Someone told me that I looked very determined to find my foothold getting onto the catwalk.

CHALLENGE #3 - Pole Jump


This was probably the most powerful one for me. As you can see, you have to climb up a pole and with nothing to hold onto, step up onto the top. There is another one that has a kind of platform that you can hold onto and I was originally going to do that one. But Vanessa encouraged me to try this one. She said that I could always do that other one if I couldn't do this one. So, I watched the others in my group and asked lots of questions from the staff person that was running this event. She said that if you get to the top and you are frozen in fear and you stay up there too long, then your legs will get tired and you won't have the strength left to finish.

My answer to the question, how does this relate to your real life was this: I am a believer and a Christian, but after a luke-warm experience with my church last year, I haven't been going to church and I don't even talk about it to my friends and family. I had forty years of being a non-believer, and it is hard for me to tell people about it. At times, I still have questions about my faith and I don't feel like I have given it my ALL. So, for me, this was a Leap of Faith, For Faith.

I climbed up the pole, slow and steady. About half way up one of the footings thingys fell off! That kind of freaked me out, but my GL told me how to put it back on and showed me what to do so that the rope wouldn't hit another one and pull it out. When I got to the top, I couldn't figure out how to step up onto the pole. There was nothing to hold on to. It seemed impossible.
I kept remembering how the guide said that my fear will tire me out, so I took a couple deep breaths and stepped up. I only made it to one knee at first, which is an appropriate place to pray for help! Then I was able to get my left foot on the pole and raise to both my feet. I swayed backward a little and thought I was going to fall, but the guide had my rope and pulled me straight. Then I looked out at the little swing and really concentrated on my goal. I bent my knees, pulled back my arms and went for it! I actually touched the bar! I didn't have enough strength to catch the bar, but I touched it! I was so excited!

Things I learned from this challenge: I thought this was going to be the hardest of the day, but I actually felt very confident and powerful on this one. I think it was because I asked for, and received Gods help in my pursuit. It was a very wonderful feeling!

Things I heard throughout the day:
I can't believe I did that!
You are strong, You CAN do it!
Great Job! just go one more step!
Leave No Regrets!
Thanks for catching me!
I was crying and hyperventilating on the first one... the last one I was fairly calm.
I never cry in front of people
I'm Proud of You!
This is what you do, you get almost to your goal and then you quit. Don't quit!

It was an awesome experience!