Mom

My Mom passed away early Wednesday morning. It was a long, hard battle that she fought, but the end was so peaceful. She had been suffering, in more pain than I could bear for months. At the end, she didn't even know who I was, didn't know it was her birthday, and didn't know how to say enough is enough. God provided. God protected.

I was given a beautiful gift of one week in between crisis to figure out what I needed to say to my Mom to be at peace with her passing. One week of introspection and clarity. On Sunday, three days before her last heart attack that would steel her mind and let in the confusion, I had a conversation with my Mom that was unlike any conversation that we have ever had. I was able to tell her how I tried to take care of her and protect her, when I was just a little girl. Because of this, I was unable to ask her for help when I needed it most. I was unable to see her as the strong, powerful woman that she was. The woman who left her husband because he beat her. The woman who went out in the world without even a high school diploma to provide for her children. The woman who was not too proud to ask for help when she needed it. My Mom. I was able to thank her for doing such a wonderful job raising me. It was her example of motherhood that made me the mother that I am today. It was her loving hands that taught me how to love my children. What a beautiful gift! It is because of her strength and her commitment to her family that showed me how family is everything in life. Through her I learned to see God's beauty in nature and appreciate this wonderful world that we live in. Through her I was able to raise my kids in love and joy. She said that this conversation meant the world to her, and we both cried. I know that it means the world to me. and I will remember it always.

All year I didn't understand why she had to be in such pain. What was the purpose of it all. Why wouldn't God just let her go? But now I understand a little more. We were still getting ready to say goodbye. We were still holding on. She stayed and fought on until we were ready. She gave that to us, once more taking a stand for her children. Finally, we were ready to let her go in peace. She waited until all three of her children were by her side and then gently, peacefully went to heaven. It was the way I wanted it to be for her, not painful and not dramatic. Just her, saying one last goodbye with one last gentle breath. Beautiful and Sad and even Joyful. All in God's Perfect Timing.

Peace and Joy